Pink Sheets

Thursday, June 30, 2005

More Baby Stuff--Sorry!

I wanted a girl. I admit it. I so wanted a little girl. When the ultra sound tech (is that what they’re called?) announced that it was a girl I was ecstatic. Don’t get me wrong. If it wouldn’t have been a girl, and the words “it looks like a little boy” had been spoken instead, I would have been fine with it. I like little boys. They’re cute and sweet and funny. I just thought we needed a girl. And around November 21st we will have our little girl, who will balance out our family perfectly.

I’m not sure how anxious she was to reveal herself. At first she had her feet strategically placed so that you couldn’t see anything. Then the tech started wiggling my belly around, trying to get the baby to reposition. She wouldn’t budge. Then Brian reached over and started poking my belly and telling the baby to move. That’s when she started kicking her little legs and finally moved so we could have a look. It was so cute. It was like she knew who was poking at her.

I already love this baby. This is different for me. I love Riley and Darby now, and I loved them when they were born, but I finally know the feeling of loving a baby pre-birth. I always thought those women claiming love for their belly, so it seemed, were out of their mind. How do they know? How could they love someone they never met? But now I think I understand this a little bit better. I can not wait to have this baby. I am so excited to see her.

We had a name picked out-Ashley. I’m not sure I want to use that name anymore. I am completely open to suggestions so if anyone has a fabulously adorable name for a little girl they don’t plan on using, please leave me a comment. Some other names I like are Ainsley and Kennedy. Any opinions?

For the last couple of months Riley and Darby have been referring to the baby as “Mommy’s baby”. For instance, they begin sentences with, “When Mommy has her baby…”, which seemed upsetting to Brian. He now tells them to refer to the baby as “Brian’s baby”. Darby obliges, however I have yet to hear Riley use the term. We haven’t had any problems with Jordan because he believes the baby is “everyone’s baby”, no one has a direct claim to her.

Darby insists that she will be the one who helps me with the baby. She’s going to feed the baby, change the diapers, and help dress her. This upsets Jordan, “what do I get to do?” he asks her. Darby just shrugs her shoulders. He then offers to hold the baby and Darby chuckles, “oh Jordan, a baby can’t hold a baby. You’re too little to hold the baby. Only Riley and I are old enough.” You must keep in mind the Darby is a whopping 6 months older than Jordan. I explain to her that by the time the baby is born Jordan is going to be the same age as Darby. I don’t think this pleases her, but she concedes that he’ll be able to hold the baby, however she is changing the diapers. It’s astonishing that such a little baby is going to be such a big deal to so many people.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Three Words...

It's A Girl!!!!! :)

Speaking of Torrential Downpours

Oh wait, we weren’t talking about that, but this is my way of steering the discussion in a new direction. (Not that I don’t completely love being complimented by you, because I absolutely do.) Anyway, last night we had this huge storm. I can’t remember a storm quite like it. It was amazing.

I had just picked the kids up from the sitter and was turning onto a very busy street when all of a sudden gusts of wind and hail started. The hail was pelting down so quickly I couldn’t see two feet in front of me. I sort of panicked. I wasn’t sure what I was suppose to do. I couldn’t see the lines on the roads, mainly because the lines in our city our painted on with water colors. At least that’s Brian’s claim. I could see the traffic lights ahead, so I just drove as straight as I could without any sort of direction until I hit the lights. By then, a couple of seconds later, I could see better and I had my bearings about me once again, but the hail was still pouring down on us. I could see, then I couldn’t. Of course, Darby in the backseat laughing her little butt off wasn’t helping much. I decided getting on the freeway would be a stupid idea, so I elected to take the back roads home and luckily there were cars in front of me that I could follow. I was freaked. I can’t remember a storm that intense. I usually love storms, however, while I’m driving is not what I would call pleasant.

Regardless, we made it home safe and sound where able to enjoy the remainder of the hail, wind, and thunder indoors. Just the way I like it.

On a completely different subject, today is the big day. Is it a boy or is it a girl? We will soon find out. I’m so excited. I’m pretty positive it will be a boy, because that is what people have convinced me it will be, but you just never know. After today I will finally be able to put the wonder behind me. I will know for sure. I can choose a name and buy some onesies and other cute little items that are gender specific. I can decide what I want to do with Darby’s room, I can make plans. Woo hoo!!

Sunday, June 26, 2005

I Have A Picture, Be Excited

I posted a pic of my belly. I don't think it really captures the way I feel. When I looked at the picture it didn't look as big as I thought I was. I look in the mirror and I'm in awe of this huge belly I now carry around. It's like I woke up one day and it went from honey dew to watermelon, but it doesn't appear as large in the picture, so maybe I'm imagining the size. Also, I don't really lke the picture. It was taken late at night and my arm looks fat, so if you could just concentrate on the belly should you take a look, I would really appreciate it. :)

Brian and I had this brilliant idea that we would take a photo of me every month, but we sort of squandered our chances by being lazy and never getting around to it. Oh well, maybe I'll start now. I'm not sure if it's worth it, but at the rate I'm going I'll be gigantic by November.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


I watched the Jennifer Wilbanks (the runaway bride) interview with Katie Couric. Oh my God, could she be anymore pathetic? Are people actually suppose to feel sorry for her? They are the creepiest couple ever. I can't even believe she did an interview. She is a sorry and sad person. Ew!

I also finished season 4 of the West Wing. I need season 5. I might have West Wing withdrawals. I absolutely love that show. However, if you watch the seasons all at once like I do, you tend to get caught up in the life of the show. You start wondering about the characters. "I wonder what Toby is going to do today." Or "I wonder if the first lady will make some kind of appearance. I hope so because I haven't seen her in a while." Well, maybe that's just me. I need help. Not as much as Jennifer Wilbanks, but I could probably use something.

PS Brian ended up taking me to Chinese. It was yummy and so worth skipping out on my workout.

Besides, I Want A Big Fat Diamond From Tiffanys

I want Brian to come have lunch with me today. I emailed him and he better respond-damn it. He has this joke that he can’t have lunch with me because “we should really keep those parts of our lives separate.” It’s a joke because a girl at work told me her husband said this to her and he refuses to even come into the building to see her office or meet her co-workers. This is so odd to me. Why wouldn’t he come to her workplace and see what she does and who she works with? Is this not strange?

Shouldn’t you want to visit the place your significant other spends 40 plus hours a week? Shouldn’t you want to know a few details about their life outside of yours? Isn’t that something one is curious about? And why is this part of a person’s life suppose to be “separate”. I think I would be so offended if Brian felt he had to keep a major part of his life separate from me. Of course, there isn’t much he can include me in right now. He goes to school and it’s not like I can go to class with him and even if I could that’s not something I would necessarily want to be a part of. He does work out at the Guard once a month (mostly once a month), but that’s not really a place you can go visit, though they have a family day every year, which we were all invited to attend. But if he doesn’t ever want me to visit him when he does get a job I will definitely think something is wrong.

Of course, their entire relationship baffles me. Not that I’m an expert on relationships by any means but one of the reasons they’re even married is because he wouldn’t live with her without being married and she wasn’t going to continue the relationship if it wasn’t going anywhere. I guess by not going anywhere she meant the relationship must lead to marriage. It just occurs to me that having a “reason” to get married is a bad sign. Sort of like getting married because you got pregnant or getting married because you got someone else pregnant and they need insurance. Shouldn’t you get married because you love someone and your genuinely happy to be with them? Shouldn’t marriage be something more important than an appearance? It shouldn’t be something you do because it’s comfortable and convenient.

I don’t know. I suppose I’m a little biased on the topic. First of all I came out of an unhappy marriage because I married someone I didn’t know for all the wrong reasons and second I have been with Brian for three years and we rarely speak of marriage. Rarely, and it seems to work for us, this not being married. Most of the discussions we’ve had about marriage are that we aren’t getting married because I’m pregnant. It’s funny how everyone has a tendency to ask, once they find out I’m pregnant, if Brian and I are going to get married. No, we’re not getting married. No, we haven’t even thought about it. No, we don’t consider that an option. It’s not a good enough reason to get married. It just isn’t. Plus, now it’s a matter of principal, because everyone expects us to. We must be defiant and prove them all wrong.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

My dad dropped in last night unannounced. I’m not so angry anymore, even though it was unannounced I suppose that shows that he’s making an effort and is interested in my life, at least a little. I don’t have to hate him as of this week. I do wish he would have called, however. Brian and I don’t have kids for the next couple of days and sometimes our evenings without kids include nakedness. We hang out in bed watching movies naked, not necessarily doing anything though it usually leads to that. Sometimes we close the windows and doors and hang out almost naked downstairs. In fact, we were getting ready to have naked time when my dad pulled up. That could have been disastrous or at the very least, embarrassing.

In one week I have my ultra sound. I am so excited to find out what sex the baby is. Brian insists that we’re having a boy. He says he can’t have girls, or something like that. Whatever!! Just because he has a boy doesn’t mean he can’t have a girl. I want a girl, but I would be perfectly happy if I have a boy. Brian says if it’s a boy I’m going to be upset for the next couple of months and have post partum depression because I didn’t get my baby girl, which is absolutely not true. I will be fine if I have boy. Boys are okay. Besides, it’s not like I don’t have a girl already. Brian’s a butthead.

This morning when I left the house Brian said I looked matronly. I don’t think that’s a compliment. I think that’s up there with frumpy. I told him I could change, he said I look cute. I don’t know. Maybe I should have changed. I look pregnant. Not that looking pregnant is bad, I like my little belly, I’m just not sure if I’m ready for it to be sticking out there for the world to see. Ugh, I guess it’s too late now. I’m already at work and I don’t want to go home just to change my clothes. Aw well.

Monday, June 20, 2005


I had this big long post all ready to display when I changed my mind. I began talking about Father's Day and then went off on this rant about my dad. I'm not very happy with him lately. Things are beginning to upset me and make me angry and I have this huge resentment towards him right now. I decided what I wrote was too much information and I don't like writing negative things about other people because it's just bad for my karma. I like good karma, so I deleted my original post. And now this is what you get. Maybe I'll bad mouth my father another time. I think I went off because this morning there was a message on my work phone about some Father's Day thing at 3:00 on Sunday. I haven't been to work since Wednesday and I'm not sure why they decided to leave a message on my work phone rather than try and call my home phone. I'm not sure why my family finds it so difficult to keep phone numbers straight. And yes, I could have called them to see what the plan was, but to tell you the truth, I didn't care. I care about Mother's Day, because I like my mom. When it comes to Father's Day I'm indifferent. Okay, that was a tad bit negative. I'm done.

Anyway, I started getting grouchy when I arrived at work. I'll be better when I get home.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Friday, June 17, 2005

What Are the Rules?

I added some new blogs to my blogroll. I'm not sure if there are rules in regards to linking sites to your site. Is there? Should I tell these people I'm blogrolling them, should I seek their permission? I come across blogs every once in awhile (mostly through Blogexplosion) that I find interesting and would like to return to without having to search for them. It's easiest to go to my blog and hit their link. I'm not as outgoing as my first blogger friend Cat, whom leaves sweet little comments all over the blogoshpere making new friends along the way. I just hope I'm not breaking some kind of blogging rule.

Anyway, I'm still on the internet since my last post. I'm a little lazy today. I don't even care. Actually it's not entirely true. I've done two loads of laundry, the dishes and cleaned the bathroom since my last post. So there.

My five year old just beckoned me to the top of the stairs. She asked if it was alright to go to Gracie's house. I told her yes, and noticed there were five blondes standing at the front door. I just turned around and came back into the room. I was a little frightened. Five little blonde girls. I'm relieved they didn't want to play here.

Day Two

It's day two of my mini vacation. We went shopping yesterday. I didn't buy much, some Father's Day cards, the boys needed summer sandals, and a few groceries. It wasn't all that nice of a day, but it's a hell of a lot better than this one seems to be starting out. It's rainy and dreary as of right now and I'm not looking forward to being cooped up.

Last night I gave Brian one of his Father's Day gifts. I couldn't wait any longer. I made the purchase a month ago and I thought I would be giving it to him much sooner than now, but it never worked out that way. I bought him and Jordan season passes to Roaring Springs, which is a water park. They'll have to go about 5 times to make the pass worth it and I'm pretty sure they'll go more than that. I didn't get one. Poor me. Actually I didn't think it was prudent for me to have one since I won't be going down any of the slides in my current condition. My delicate condition, as I like to refer to it. For some reason that makes people bust up laughing. What? I can't be delicate? Whatever, dude.

Today will be much less productive. Brian told me I couldn't spend any money today so that pretty much limits me to staying home. Plus, it's raining so I won't even be able to take the kids to the park and there won't be much playing outside time. Hmph! *Pout*

Well, that's what I have right now. I wish I had something profound and interesting to discuss but I'm afraid this is as good as it gets right now.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Dreams Aren't So Unusual

I had a dream last night that I was nine months pregnant and in labor. The labor took forever and it was painless. Brian was there and he was lying in the bed with me-naked? My doctor was the first lady on the West Wing, otherwise known as Stockard Channing. It was so obscure yet completely understandable.

First of all I’m pregnant. It’s perfectly logical that I have dreams about going into labor. However, everyone believes my labor will be short and sweet. In fact, I’m a little worried about not making it to the hospital in time. The first pregnancy my labor lasted about 13 hours, which seems normal. The second pregnancy lasted about three and a half hours. My water broke around 9 pm and I had a baby girl at 12:20 am. Plus, it was not painless. It hurt like hell and I was not happy about the fact there was no time for an epideral. I really wanted that epideral, damn it.

Now, it’s reasonable that Brian is with me in the delivery room, because hopefully he will be with me when I have the baby, I just hope he puts some clothes on before we go to the hospital. I’m pretty sure he was naked because he sleeps in the nude. I hope that’s not too much information, but it’s the only possible reason for him being naked. I don’t sleep naked. This irritates Brian for some reason and he complains about “all the clothes” I wear to bed. All these clothes I’m wearing usually consist of panties and a t-shirt. Sometimes, I just wear the panties. He’s a freak, I’m normal. That’s what it comes down to. End of the discussion.

Now my doctor. My actual doctor isn’t Stockard Channing, nor is he anyone famous. He’s just my doctor. Nothing too spectacular though I do like him. He’s pleasant and has a southern accent, which I find endearing. Anyway, I dreamt that Ms. Channing was my doctor because Brian and I have been watching season 4 of the West Wing. If you don’t watch the show, Stockard Channing plays the wife of the President and before becoming first lady she was a doctor. That makes sense, sort of. Plus, her character is one of my favorites on the show. I actually love the show and I love all the characters, but I have always been a fan of Stockard Channing. She's fabulous and beautiful and her character is saucy. I would love to have her as my gyno, if she was in fact a gyno, which she isn't so I'll stick with my more experienced, southern doctor.

Aren’t you happy I analyzed my dream for you? I’m thinking I should do this for a living since I'm so great at it.

Other news: I’m taking Thursday and Friday off. Yippee!! I love days off. Though Brian has a workshop all day for school so it will just be the kids and me, but oh well. I really didn’t have a choice because the babysitter is going out of town. I hope it’s nice.

Monday, June 13, 2005


I am now guilt-free about my horrible eating habits while Brian is away. It turns out when he arrived at the cabin he made a fire, had a hotdog as well as four beers, and then finished off a bag of beef jerky before going to bed. I suppose cereal and watermelon isn't the worse dinner one can have. Jeez!

Nothing else is going on. I went shopping on Friday and Saturday and bought some clothes that were bigger than my usual clothes. I am not yet at the maternity clothing stage. I'm in this awful in between stage where maternity clothes are much too big and my usual clothes are much too small. At least anything with a button, zipper, or size small tag on it. I still had a few things I could wear, but a few things only last a couple of days a week and I just can't bear to wear the same thing twice in one week, except for jeans. People at my work would notice if I wore the same outfit twice. It's completely shallow, but I know they would notice.

I have also been experiencing a horrible symptom of pregancy. Heartburn. I hate heartburn, it is the worse thing about being pregnant, unless you have morning sickness, which I've had before, but not with this baby. So the heartburn is going to make me hate being pregnant this time around. Argh! I thought I was well on my way to having one of those complaint free pregnancies. Damn it!

Oh, I just found out Michael Jackson is innocent. He is so gross!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

A Sober Night With The Girls-It's A First

Yes, this is what I love about alone days. The Saturday mornings. Saturday mornings without kids to bug me about "being hungry" or telling me that Darby isn't letting them do such and such. A morning of drinking coffee and messing around on the computer. I would be reading the paper, but Brian is usually the one to go in his pajamas and get it, so I'm left to fend for myself. I don't want to get the paper.

Well, I know you're very curious about my girls' night. Aren't you? First, I met Tammy and Lisa at Kara's house. I have only been out with Kara once and I think she's amazingly fun. Plus, she thinks I look like Ashley Judd, and even though I don't if she wants to think that and tell me I do, that's perfectly fine by me.

We then decided to go to Red Robin to eat dinner. I haven't been to Red Robin for about three years because Brian's ex use to work there and she's immature enough to have someone spit in my food. I have been craving the clam strips for awhile now. Tammy and Kara ordered white Russians, Lisa and I ordered sodas. Lisa is on the South Beach diet and this week she isn't allowed to have liquor. Sucks for her. Sucks for me. Anyway, we ate dinner and talked about girl stuff. Having babies, our relationships, which right now Kara is in a pretty horrible situation, and of course plastic surgery.

After dinner we chose a movie to go to. We wanted to see a $2 movie so we settled on Guess Who, with Ashton Kutcher. It didn't start for another hour and a half so we drove over to the Moxie Java. Oh, by the way, we drove in Lisa's brand new Chrysler 300. Everyone really likes that car, but I'm pretty indifferent towards it. It's nice, but I also think it's kind of ugly and old person looking, but I suppose that's just me. I don't have to drive it so I just nodded and agreed that it's "beautiful".

At the Moxie, Tammy and Kara ordered coffees. Lisa and I didn't have anything. Lisa doesn't like coffee and I had my caffeine quota for the day. We sat at the Moxie for an hour and continued our discussion on babies and plastic surgery. Lisa has had her boobs done. She had a lift and an implant and they are seriously big. I think DD or something like that. She really likes the doctor she chose and was recommending him to Kara because recently Kara had a hernia removed in her stomach and she said the doctor completely ruined her belly button. I guess it's really bad. I didn't end up seeing it, but Tammy described it as a butchering. So, Lisa said she should go in for a consultation because it's only $50 and who knows, it may not be as expensive as she might think. I'm pretty sure that when the time comes I will use that doctor. Another girl we know also went to him for her enhancement and she's really happy, as is her husband. I was thinking that a C cup wouldn't be big enough for me, but now that I see the D's I'm thinking C is good.

Tammy is also interested in getting a boob job, because I guess her's are saggy (I've never seen them myself) but she's going to wait quite awhile because she's more interested in having a baby. She's "planning"on getting pregnant the end of the summer. Planning a baby is a completely new concept for me. I've never planned to have a baby in my life.

We saw the movie, which is pretty cute and ended the evening at 11:30. I can't believe it, we had the most fun and we didn't even have to get wild and crazy. However, after I am not pregnant anymore we are going to have to have one of our wild nights out. Minus the puking. Tammy told everyone they were going to have to throw a baby shower for me and I joked that I wish a baby shower would be more like Amy's bachelorette party. Now that was a party.

I love going out with these girls. I have never had girlfriends like this. My girl outings with old friends from high school were always so boring and so predictable. We would end up going out to the bars, sit at a table or stand near the bar with our drinks and pretty much just stand there while my slutty friend scoped the place out for potential one night stands. That was her idea of a good time. These girls idea of a good time is to hang out with the girls and laugh and talk about ridiculous things. When we go out the only time we talk to a guy is to get him to buy us drinks. And amazingly, when I go out with these girls I never buy my own drinks. Ever. It's just too much fun.

Well enough of that. I need to get ready to go have my hair colored. I'm going with something new. I'm going to be rebellious. I'm going to get my hair colored a shade lighter. Can you believe how daring I am. :) Anyway, have a wonderful Saturday.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Two Nights Alone

Brian has gone to the mountains for the next couple of nights without me. He and Jordan left last night and will return Saturday afternoon. I was all by lonesome last night. I cleaned the house, watched way too much TV, and ate a lot of food.

Bad things happen when Brian leaves me alone. He acknowledges this also. When he isn’t around I eat the most horrible meals. Last night I had a bowl of cereal, which didn’t satisfy me, so I made instant mashed potatoes and topped them with cheese. I was still hungry so I finished off a good portion of watermelon. Isn’t that disgusting? If Brian were home he would have shamed me out of eating such a meal.

I also watch the most horrible shows. In fact, since Brian wasn’t there I put in as much bad TV time as I could muster. I watched two or three shows at once, because who knows when I’ll ever be able to watch those things again. First, I watched some show with Tommy Hilfiger, I think it’s suppose to be like The Apprentice, while simultaneously watching Joey and The OC. Trash, trash, and more trash. They were all pretty horrible. Next I watched Hit Me Baby One More Time. Brian and I watched that last week and it was painful, so I didn’t get too far with that one. There was another OC on and the Tommy show was finishing up, so I was adequately entertained for the next half hour. Then CSI came on. I have heard really good things about this show so I figured I would just watch this without all the channel surfing. I wasn’t completely disappointed. When that finished it was time for bed. It was somewhat difficult convincing Chloe it was bedtime. She kept going up and down the stairs waiting for Brian to return home. Poor baby puppy. She was so disappointed she couldn't go to the mountains.

Tonight I have my girls’ night so I won’t be as lonely and pathetic, but I’m still not going to enjoy the sleeping by myself part. I just like him with me. I can’t help it. I miss him so much when he isn’t around. I know, it’s sad. It’s not like I’m completely dependent upon him for my happiness. I mean, hello, did you hear what I did last night? But, I just like when we’re together and I rarely get sick of his company. We have are moments, but they are few and far between. Besides, I like his predictability. For instance, I know he is going to be a grouchy ass while I get ready in the morning, but he still gives me lots and lots of kisses before I leave. Of course, there’s the unpredictability that makes things quite fun. Like the fact that he has the movie Notting Hill memorized. I don’t get it. I love the movie and have seen it several times, however I have a sneaking suspicion Brian has watched it more times than any man should be allowed to watch a romantic comedy. Weirdo. I suppose this is a little off topic, it's just that these are little things I miss having around, even if it is only for a couple of nights.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I Forgot

Thanks for voting on the boy names. I'm going to take it down now. The winners are Ethan over Andrew and Brandon over Ashton. I will decide the true winner on June 28th. That's when I learn the sex of the baby and I can not wait. Woo hoo!

A Girls' Night, Movies, And A Craving

This weekend I have a girls’ night planned. We tend to do this every 3 or 4 months, but thanks to my present condition this girls’ night will be completely different from the last four. The night won’t be ending at 2 or 3 am, I will not be puking in my flower bed, there will not be a trip to the strip club, and there will be no kissing girls. No, this girl night will be rated PG maybe PG-13 depending on the movie we decide to go to. In fact, we won’t even be traveling to the big city. I believe the plan is to go to the ghetto dollar theatre and possibly going out to eat. I should be home before midnight. Ho hum. Oh well, it will be fun. I like movies.

Speaking of movies, I have been a movie whore lately. That’s all we’ve been doing is watching movies. In the last week I have watched Meet The Fockers (it was funny, not really my thing), Traffic (this movie is so good, I love it, I’m not sure why but I adore Catherine Zeta-Jones’ character), Finding Neverland (pretty good, Brian calls it a chick flick, but I’m not sure I would put it in that category. Apparently to him everything with Johnny Depp is a chick flick.), and Hotel Rwanda (very good, sad, disturbing, etc…). Anyway, I’m sure I’ll be watching even more this weekend. Especially if Brian and Jordan go to the cabin without me. It will be a weekend full of cleaning house and watching girly movies. Maybe I’ll rent The Notebook. I heard that’s good.

Today I am craving a sandwich from The Co-Op. I have only had their sandwich once, last year, but it was so good and now I’m craving one. The Co-Op is a little market with obscure products. Well, I think they’re obscure because I’m from Idaho. Maybe if I grew up in a more sophisticated state I would think them normal, but I don’t. They sell bacon flavored water for your dog. Right. Anyway, Bert, my co-worker, told me she might go get one with me later this week. She can’t today. I suppose I could hold out for one. They are delicious.

Well, I suppose I should start concentrating on work. I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday. Ugh!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Another Successful Weekend of Doing Nothing

Another weekend in the mountains. It was fantastic and completely stress free. I love it. I can sleep all day and only feel a tinge of guilt about it when Brian has a sudden urge to makeover the cabin. I do the dishes, without a dishwasher, so my guilt only lasts a few minutes. Also, his parents set up their trailer at the bottom of the hill, so if I want to eat (which I always do) I have to walk to the bottom of the hill. If I want to nap (which I always do) I have to climb back to the top of the hill. I get a lot of exercise. See how guiltless mountain lounging can be. It’s great!!

Also, I have decided that I can’t wait until retirement. I know, you might think this isn’t such a great revelation, but I always thought retired persons were bored. I hate being bored. They don’t work, they don’t have kids to take care of. I thought they would lose their minds with nothing to do. However, I have since changed my mind. Retirees have the absolute best life. What could possibly be better than sitting in the sun in a lounge chair, with a glass of wine in your hand and the box of wine on the table next you? Seriously, can you think of anything better? I can’t. Then, after an afternoon of drinking and chatting with family you can take a short nap, have dinner and go to bed. It’s sounds perfect. Of course, I’m having alcohol withdrawals right now, which could be the obsession I have with drinking, but I think it sounds like a nice little life to me.

The baby thing is becoming more real to me everyday. My tummy is now the shape of a honeydew melon. I can barely fit into my khakis and I only have two pairs of jeans that I can squeeze into. They’re my normal size, but they’re stretchy, so they stretch. My supervisor is loaning me her crib, which is wonderful, and she says she’ll get with me this week about a time to have it delivered, possibly this weekend. Can you believe it?!! I’m going to have my first piece of baby furniture. It makes me a little queasy. I’m not sure if it’s excitement or nervousness. Hmm. It doesn’t matter because I am completely excited. I don’t know why. It wasn’t a planned pregnancy. Neither Riley nor Darby were planned. I love them more than anything, but during the pregnancies, I was pretty indifferent about having a baby. (After they were born, however, my indifference turned to elation. I never knew you could love something so small, so much.) For some reason the situation is different and I have been excited since about two days after I found out. (There was an adjustment period.) It seems like it is going by so slowly and will never get there. Of course, by the time November rolls around I’ll probably be completely unprepared. That’s okay.

Friday, June 03, 2005

The Past, Present, And Future (Not In That Order)

I don’t have much to write about, but I really feel like posting something. So here it goes. Yesterday I had an intense craving for nachos. I called Brian and told him we need to make nachos for dinner. He said it would be cheaper to go buy nachos than it would be to make them, so we headed off to Applebee’s after I returned home from work. It was so yummy. They have delicious nachos.

Brian also had a huge beer with our dinner. I can’t remember the size, but they call it a brutus or something like that. I had a Dr. Pepper. Hmph! I have now been completely sober for almost three months. This is actually amazing considering there has been the Mother’s Day BBQ and the Memorial Day trip to the cabin. Plus those few trips to Brian’s parent’s house, were I am usually offered as many beers as one could possibly drink. His dad never leaves me without a drink in my hand. Even when I decline saying, “oh, no I shouldn’t. Brian doesn’t think we should drink that much tonight.” He simply gives me a new beer and tells me we won’t tell Brian. It’s a fun little game. It’s not that I want to drink, because the thought makes me somewhat ill, it’s just that I can’t. I hate not being able to do something. Geez!! I can’t wait until the Christmas parties. I will be such a light weight by then. Two drinks and I’ll probably be done. This I am not looking forward to.

After we ate we drove out to a new neighborhood a few miles from our current home to look at the houses. We do this every so often. House hunt. We don’t plan on moving for 1-2 years, but looking at houses is so much fun. The subdivision we drove to looked a little out of our price range, but it’s okay to dream, right? Plus, it was pretty far out and I have a feeling we’re going to be looking for a house closer to where Brian’s parents live. You know, so they can watch the baby.

It’s weird thinking of all these changes that are going to take place. Brian and I use to not discuss future plans a week in advance and now we talk in terms of decades. It’s weird to comprehend sometimes. We talk about how our next house can just be a run of the mill, cookie cutter house, as long as it’s big enough for six people and a dog and after the kids move out we can look into the dream home. The nice house, the better than a cookie cutter house that is designed to our specifications. Do you know how many years it will be when the last child is no longer at home? Potentially 18-20 years. Well, I can only hope. However, if we just wait until the current youngest moves out that’s only what, 13-15 years. Not too bad.

Speaking of kids, we are free of them this weekend. Not that I don’t like them around because I really do, it’s just I’m happy to have this weekend free. Off to the mountains we go to do absolutely nothing. Sort of like last weekend, but like I said before, this time we’ll be kid-free. It will be nice.