Pink Sheets

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Besides, I Want A Big Fat Diamond From Tiffanys

I want Brian to come have lunch with me today. I emailed him and he better respond-damn it. He has this joke that he can’t have lunch with me because “we should really keep those parts of our lives separate.” It’s a joke because a girl at work told me her husband said this to her and he refuses to even come into the building to see her office or meet her co-workers. This is so odd to me. Why wouldn’t he come to her workplace and see what she does and who she works with? Is this not strange?

Shouldn’t you want to visit the place your significant other spends 40 plus hours a week? Shouldn’t you want to know a few details about their life outside of yours? Isn’t that something one is curious about? And why is this part of a person’s life suppose to be “separate”. I think I would be so offended if Brian felt he had to keep a major part of his life separate from me. Of course, there isn’t much he can include me in right now. He goes to school and it’s not like I can go to class with him and even if I could that’s not something I would necessarily want to be a part of. He does work out at the Guard once a month (mostly once a month), but that’s not really a place you can go visit, though they have a family day every year, which we were all invited to attend. But if he doesn’t ever want me to visit him when he does get a job I will definitely think something is wrong.

Of course, their entire relationship baffles me. Not that I’m an expert on relationships by any means but one of the reasons they’re even married is because he wouldn’t live with her without being married and she wasn’t going to continue the relationship if it wasn’t going anywhere. I guess by not going anywhere she meant the relationship must lead to marriage. It just occurs to me that having a “reason” to get married is a bad sign. Sort of like getting married because you got pregnant or getting married because you got someone else pregnant and they need insurance. Shouldn’t you get married because you love someone and your genuinely happy to be with them? Shouldn’t marriage be something more important than an appearance? It shouldn’t be something you do because it’s comfortable and convenient.

I don’t know. I suppose I’m a little biased on the topic. First of all I came out of an unhappy marriage because I married someone I didn’t know for all the wrong reasons and second I have been with Brian for three years and we rarely speak of marriage. Rarely, and it seems to work for us, this not being married. Most of the discussions we’ve had about marriage are that we aren’t getting married because I’m pregnant. It’s funny how everyone has a tendency to ask, once they find out I’m pregnant, if Brian and I are going to get married. No, we’re not getting married. No, we haven’t even thought about it. No, we don’t consider that an option. It’s not a good enough reason to get married. It just isn’t. Plus, now it’s a matter of principal, because everyone expects us to. We must be defiant and prove them all wrong.

3 Comments:

  • My soon-to-be-ex was like that. Considered work and personal to be two totally separate lives. He would never come to my work, didn't want to hang out with my work friends, and got bitchy whenever I griped about work. "That's your job." he would say. It's not my job to be disrespected, abused, and otherwise maligned by a boss that didn't have a clue! And he couldn't be supportive. He never invited me out with his friends (who, oddly enough were from...WORK). I don't have solid proof, but I think there was another reason...but that's not the topic of this post!

    Go with your gut (no pun intended) feelings on whether or not it's right for you to get married. It's your decision (and his) and NOT anyone else's opinion that matters!

    By Blogger InterstellarLass, at 9:37 AM, June 22, 2005  

  • Actually this is exactly what I was talking about. You hit it on the nose. I got side tracked with the marriage talk, but what I was completely getting at was that something is not right if you don't want someone to be involved or you don't want to be involved with the other's work life. Or any part of their life that's important for that matter. It just seems suspicious to me, like you pointed out.

    By Blogger Jolynn, at 9:52 AM, June 22, 2005  

  • I love the fact that Hubby is always inviting me to his work and events. I really don't like going...but there are some things I MUST attend. But lunches togethers or meeting after work to go swimming at the base....it's nice. And as far as marriage...only do it if you WANT IT. My mom always said...Pregnancy was never a good enough reason to get married...if the person wasn't right for you.
    It's your future...you'll know whats best for it.

    By Blogger Envoy-ette, at 11:11 AM, June 27, 2005  

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