The Time Has Come, The Time is Now

It's almost here. Halloween. Woo hoo! It's like the kick off to the holidays and I'm very excited this year. As long as I don't get burned out before Thanksgiving which could happen considering there's also two birthday's before then. But I don't really have to do much for Thanksgiving so I should be able to relax.

And I'm having that little surgery I mentioned before. It's next Tuesday and I'm a little nervous and so, so excited. Because I can't wait to be "enhanced" but nervous because I won't be able to do much for a few weeks and that's scary. Because I'm a busy person. It should be fine. Really. It's okay that I won't be able to pick up Jillian for 6-8 weeks. Like Brian said, she doesn't need to be picked up. Even though I pick her up to take her to bed and to put her into bed and I pick her up so she can pick out which clothes to wear for the day... Brian will have to do some picking up. She does need to be carried. Poor baby.

My friend bought me this tank top from this little diner by her house. It's called Boobies and the tank top is so cute! I can't wait to wear it. I have not told hardly anyone that I'm getting this done. The only people that know are Brian, my friend from work and my hair girl. And now you because I can tell my blogger readers anything since my family does not read this. I didn't tell my family or people at work or anyone because while I'm excited to look awesome in my shirts I don't really want people just looking at my shirt. You know what I mean? And if you don't, even with all my round about ways of telling you what I'm having done, well, just think about it. Okay?

The good thing is I'm taking 4 days off from work and I get to do nothing but lay around and take drugs. It's not the ideal vacation but it should do.

So, back to Halloween. I decided I was going to have people over and I'm making homemade mac n cheese and chili and I'll have treats and scary movies and the kids can just hang out in the house and go trick or treating and just have fun. I haven't invited many people yet but Halloween is pretty casual so I'll just mention it to some people and they can come if they want. And if they don't want to, that's fine too.

We're also having a thing at work that I was kind of being a Scrooge about for reasons that don't need mentioning but I think it will be pretty fun. Everyone keeps asking me to bring the kids but getting them here and back is kind of a pain. Even Darby has been asking. Ugh I don't know. Maybe I'll just have to figure it out.

Well, I guess that's all for now. Have a Happy Halloween!

The Wedding Planner

Jillian loves wedding stuff right now. She talks about her Barbies getting married and she picked out a Wedding Day Barbie the other day at the store. She wants a wedding cake for her birthday and she loves wedding dresses. She points out gazebos and tells me "that is where people get married". She's obsessed. I think she's going to be a wedding planner when she grows up.

Oh and for Halloween she decided she was going to be a vampire. Because vampires are scary and she loves scary. A few days ago she revised this to "vampire bride". So I bought an angel costume and she can wear the white dress (minus the wings of course) under her vampire cape that my mom made for her. She's so weird.

On the same topic, Darby would make a great fashion designer. I find sketches of outfits all over the house with captions such as "snow suit for girls".

Maybe Jillian can plan weddings and Darby can design the dresses. That sounds pretty alright to me.

Baseball is over. I'm not really sad and I don't feel guilty about it because Riley isn't really sad either. I think he's relieved. What have I learned from this? That baseball all year round is too much for both the parent and the kid. I guess there's only so much baseball a mom can handle in a year.

Jillian, however, will do soccer again in the Spring. I think she likes the social aspect of the sport more than anything because she doesn't care that she's the only one on the team that hasn't scored a goal. In fact, she has no interest in taking the ball down the field. She just runs along with every one else and gives her coaches high fives. Sometimes she gets the ball, but she won't fight to keep it. And that's fine. Because she likes it. And if she doesn't want to score I'm sure there are worse things, like her just standing in the field not moving.

Friday night we went to a school carnival at the elementary school that is about 3 blocks from our house. The one that none of the kids go to. We went because Darby is friends with the neighbor girl who goes there and Riley and his middle school friends all went because several of them use to go there. Anyway, I don't know why I was surprised, but I could not believe how many of the parents I knew. It was crazy. Siblings from Jillian's soccer team were there, of course most of our neighbors were there, I even saw one of my friends that I go out with every now and then. I had no idea her kids go there. Brian said we should probably have Jillian go there. I agree.

Right now Jordan goes to a charter school, which might have been an option for Jillian but now we're going to have to think about it. It's a good school and Jordan loves it there and does really well, but seriously, 3 blocks away. Darby goes to Owyhee, which is near us and she can catch a bus pretty close to our neighborhood, but she goes there because of where her dad lives. I love that school. The teacher's are really great, but considering that we don't live in the same area that won't be an option for Jilly. So, we'll see I guess.

Well, just a couple more weeks until Halloween. I'm very excited. Have a great week!

Okay, remember that Halloween music I was so happy that Jillian was listening to? I take that back. I'm already sick of the Halloween CD. Luckily last night she allowed me to change the CD to another Halloween CD. Her new favorite song is "Nightmare on My Street". Remember Fresh Prince? Vaguely? She loves that song. It's pretty funny but I'm sure I'll be tired of it by next week.


Still don't know what I'm going to do for Halloween. I have to do something! I just don't know what. Since we're staying home it's going to have to be fun. It just has to be.

Okay, now for some more 4 year old drama. Last night after we picked up Riley from baseball practice Jillian informed me that she was going to leave her boots in the car. Okay, what do I care. Leave them.

Later in the evening Brian and Jordan went out to the car to find a lost book, which they did not find and apparently costs $11 to replace. Anyway, Brian brought in some things from the car, which included Jillian's boots.

When I noticed that he brought in Jillian's boots, I told him she was going to be mad because she wanted them left in the car. He matter-of-factly said that she would forget about it.

This morning as she is walking down the stairs she spied the boots and began yelling at me that she told me she wanted those left in the car. She was mad. And she called me fat, which she does to hurt my feelings. And it does a little. But mostly it was funny.

To diffuse the situation I had her call her dad at work and leave a message. It was only 6:25 am and he wasn't to the office yet, but he had already left. So she couldn't yell at him in person. What a dork. Let me tell you, there is nothing in the world that would take me away from these moments. The every day silly little moments that just happen. You can't plan this stuff. Of course, all moms know these times are irreplaceable. But when you have a 4 year old it's like every day!

School Kids

Our computer program thing at work is down for another 36 minutes. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this time, but I guess I might as well blog. I've been surfing the Internet this morning looking for Supernatural posters to get Jilly for her birthday. They have one on the official website that I would be interested in getting, however I'm having technical difficulties. I signed up for their fan club and I'm suppose to receive a discount but it's not working, so I emailed them.


I was also checking out the activities offered at our rec center for the kids to do this winter. So far, the choices are swimming lessons and Tang Soo Do. They also have a kayak class in November. It's one night for a couple of hours and it's free. I think that would be fun for the older kids. I guess we'll see what I decide. Or they decide.


Went to Jordan's parent-teacher conference last night. Good stuff, of course. He has talking issues but he promises to work on that. I don't know if he'll ever be able to completely stop talking in class but it could be worse, I'm sure. I've never had to sit through one of those conferences before and I hope I never do. Riley and I went to his conference when he was in 5th. There was another student and his parents there too and they were not having a good conference. Very awkward.

Right now Jordan is doing awesome grade-wise, but Darby and Riley have some areas for improvement. Riley's problem is Science and he is going to be in serious trouble if he does not correct that C. It's pretty annoying. He has a 98% in Pre-Engineering, which is a class he loves, but a C in Science. I'm certain it has to do with his interest in the class. I'm working on getting him more "interested".

Darby's problem area is Math. I don't blame her but she needs to be doing better. Way better. I just emailed her teacher to see if I can get some practice worksheets. I don't think she's really applying herself this year and it really upsets me because she has done so well in the previous years. I don't know what's wrong with her but I'm pretty sure I can blame her dad for it. I'm just saying...

And Jillian is just cute. And sassy. She doesn't get graded on those things though. Brian and I were just talking about her starting kindergarten. That makes me so sad, but I know she is going to love going to school. Maybe not at first because there's that whole "everything is new" panic she goes into, but after a couple of days she'll like it. She has loved Awanas now that she's in the big kid class. She's more willing to let me leave her and I spy on her sometimes and she's participating and talking to the teacher and the other kids. It's good to get her socialized. Like one might do for a dog. That's what I always think of when I tell people that I'm trying to get Jillian more socialized. But I am. She's shy and afraid of new situations. We have to get her out there and comfortable with the world. You know, socialize her.

It's official. It's Halloween time. We have the Halloween dishes, decorations, movies and music out. We went fabric shopping with my mom for Halloween costumes. Jillian is singing Halloween songs and insisting we listen to the CD's over and over again. She talks about Halloween just about every day. Darby decorated the entrance. I bought Halloween lights and have no idea where they are going to go.

I don't really know what we're going to do on Halloween. We have options, but I think the kids' idea of staying home and trick-or-treating our neighborhood is the best idea. It might be nice. I think there are more kids in our area now. At least it seems that way. Maybe our kids are actually making friends now or something. Either way, maybe we'll get more trick-or-treaters than we have in the past couple of years.

We still need to buy our new decorations, but that will have to wait until Darby gets back on Sunday. Maybe we can go Monday evening after I get off work. Or whenever, but soon, you know, before Halloween.

Riley went on his first little group outing last week. They went to Haunted World. A girl's dad picked him up and dropped him and a couple of girls off at Haunted World, where they met up with a couple of his other friends. It's so bizarre. I can't believe it's come to this. I am not looking forward to high school. He had so much fun and I'm glad he went but when he got home at 11:30 I kept telling him "I'm so glad your home". I think he thought I was psycho. He just said "thanks", like I was some kind of nut job. But it was late and I knew it would be late but I kept thinking "what if he gets left there" or something. It would be awful. I was told by a mom of a teenager those feelings never go away. Great!

Jillian called me a major retard the other day. I guess they're all growing up.

Blood, Sweat and Tears

The therapy thing is going well. I only go every two weeks now so I think that's a sign that I'm not as crazy as I was a month ago. At least I hope it is. This year I am just trying to work on being...I'm not sure what the word is...would it be content? I don't think so. Maybe it's just not sad or depressed or whatever.


Most of my focus has been on my weight. Because gaining ten pounds in four months is not healthy for your body or your mind. As of my official weigh-in day last week I have 1.5 lbs to go to be back to the weight I was before the weight gain and 3.5 lbs to go to reach my new goal. This makes happy. Very happy. I don't hate looking in the mirror or putting on clothes that are getting too tight. I put on clothes now and many are too big. And the ones that didn't fit me in January finally fit again. That makes me relieved. And I feel motivated and I want to go work out and I want to eat healthy. That was not the case the end of last year, beginning of this year. I just didn't care then.


And more recently I haven't been freaking out about things. And I don't cry when I have to go to work. Sure I didn't cry every day, but in past year, work has made me cry. A lot. And I've felt trapped and I haven't wanted to fix it. I've just wanted to hide away at home and do nothing. Which, I'm pretty sure isn't healthy either. So, I started the therapy thing. And last week I felt really good. I don't dread coming into work and the mean people haven't bothered me like they used to. I mean they're still mean, but my reaction towards them hasn't been the same.


I told the therapist that this last week things were really good, but it scared me a little because I think "what's going to happen to mess it up". She told me that it's okay to think things are really good, but instead of worrying about how it might go wrong think "now I have the tools to handle the situations that go wrong". Which is true. Because I have a way to think about all of these things in my life that cause me stress and heartache. Basically, it's changing how you think about things. So, I'm suppose to repeat them in my head until I believe them. The things I'm repeating in my mind are the truth. The things that cause me grief are things I just think are true. Does that make sense? I talk myself into being upset about things that shouldn't upset me. Now I just have to do the opposite.


That's the sweat and the tears part. And since I have these two portions of my life straightening out I think that I want another type a change. One that is completely superficial and unnecessary but I have desperately wanted for quite awhile. So, on Nov 3rd I'm going to go through a little outpatient procedure that will probably be very painful, but I heard it is soooo worth it. And there will probably be blood, hopefully nothing I see! Brian has finally agreed that this is something WE can pay for. I talk about this all the time on my blog, yet now I just don't want to go and blurt it out. Only a few, well two, Brian and my friend Bert know that I'm doing it so I haven't told everyone, though I'm pretty sure it will be noticeable after it's done. Oh and my hair girl knows because she just had the procedure done and I'm using the same doctor. So there you have it. Sort of.

Anyway, have a good Monday!

Crisp Cold Weather

It's 38 degrees right now. This week the temps have dropped significantly from the week before. And with the temp drop, my mood has been on the rise. I can't explain why really, but I get this comforting feeling when I think of the cold weather and coming home at night and making soups and "warm" food. Last night we made fudge. Two batches for Darby's bake sale Friday. I love that stuff.

Plus, it's almost holiday time. I told Brian we should have a Halloween party. He said he doesn't know what that means. I don't really know either but it's on Saturday and the kids want to stay home this year and do fun decorations, so we should have a party. This weekend we're going to get the decorations out and take inventory of what we have and what we want. The kids and I (aka Darby and I) have been saving some cash for the Halloween fund. We have $51. I think that will buy the fog machine everyone has been wanting, but maybe we can find a good deal.

Riley asked me how Darby was getting all of this money for Halloween. I told him she was doing chores for their grandma. He told me I should just ask his grandma to help out with the Halloween decorations instead of sneakily taking it by having Darby do "chores". That kid is just clueless. I'm not being sneaky. Darby wants to donate her chore money. Sure her grandma over pays her for these chores, but that's really between Darby and her Grandma. Who am I to step in?

I think I just have a bad reputation with the kids when it comes to money. You know, because I spend their cash when I run out, but everything usually works out. I mean it's not like I don't spend money on them. Regardless, no one lets me "hold" their cash for them anymore. Except Jillian. She gives me money and when she asks for it and I don't have it I tell her that "daddy used it to buy a soda". Which is true because she gives me change that she finds, usually by digging through her siblings' cash. She's such a good girl. Anyway, to Jillian her dad is the culprit and she scolds him for taking my (her) money and not paying us back.

This weekend is also Chloe's birthday. She'll be five. We're going to have a guinea pig party for her. She'll love it. Not really. I think she gets a little scared when we have parties for her. Like she's in trouble or something. I don't know. She's such a good dog. That's how every one describes her. Because she is. She's the best dog ever. She doesn't do anything bad, except sometimes I get annoyed when she takes too long outside. Especially now that it's getting cold. That is one thing about the cold weather that is not comforting. Standing by the garage door waiting for the dog to finish her business.