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Monday, October 05, 2009

Blood, Sweat and Tears

The therapy thing is going well. I only go every two weeks now so I think that's a sign that I'm not as crazy as I was a month ago. At least I hope it is. This year I am just trying to work on being...I'm not sure what the word is...would it be content? I don't think so. Maybe it's just not sad or depressed or whatever.

Most of my focus has been on my weight. Because gaining ten pounds in four months is not healthy for your body or your mind. As of my official weigh-in day last week I have 1.5 lbs to go to be back to the weight I was before the weight gain and 3.5 lbs to go to reach my new goal. This makes happy. Very happy. I don't hate looking in the mirror or putting on clothes that are getting too tight. I put on clothes now and many are too big. And the ones that didn't fit me in January finally fit again. That makes me relieved. And I feel motivated and I want to go work out and I want to eat healthy. That was not the case the end of last year, beginning of this year. I just didn't care then.

And more recently I haven't been freaking out about things. And I don't cry when I have to go to work. Sure I didn't cry every day, but in past year, work has made me cry. A lot. And I've felt trapped and I haven't wanted to fix it. I've just wanted to hide away at home and do nothing. Which, I'm pretty sure isn't healthy either. So, I started the therapy thing. And last week I felt really good. I don't dread coming into work and the mean people haven't bothered me like they used to. I mean they're still mean, but my reaction towards them hasn't been the same.

I told the therapist that this last week things were really good, but it scared me a little because I think "what's going to happen to mess it up". She told me that it's okay to think things are really good, but instead of worrying about how it might go wrong think "now I have the tools to handle the situations that go wrong". Which is true. Because I have a way to think about all of these things in my life that cause me stress and heartache. Basically, it's changing how you think about things. So, I'm suppose to repeat them in my head until I believe them. The things I'm repeating in my mind are the truth. The things that cause me grief are things I just think are true. Does that make sense? I talk myself into being upset about things that shouldn't upset me. Now I just have to do the opposite.

That's the sweat and the tears part. And since I have these two portions of my life straightening out I think that I want another type a change. One that is completely superficial and unnecessary but I have desperately wanted for quite awhile. So, on Nov 3rd I'm going to go through a little outpatient procedure that will probably be very painful, but I heard it is soooo worth it. And there will probably be blood, hopefully nothing I see! Brian has finally agreed that this is something WE can pay for. I talk about this all the time on my blog, yet now I just don't want to go and blurt it out. Only a few, well two, Brian and my friend Bert know that I'm doing it so I haven't told everyone, though I'm pretty sure it will be noticeable after it's done. Oh and my hair girl knows because she just had the procedure done and I'm using the same doctor. So there you have it. Sort of.

Anyway, have a good Monday!


  • I hear you about the job . . . and the therapy. I'm glad that you've found someone that you're comfortable confiding in. And that you're able to go less frequently now - that's an improvement right there :)

    Now you're little procedure . . . you've got me worried. Hope everything is ok and that it goes well for you. Can't wait to hear what it is!

    By Blogger Kate, at 11:24 AM, October 14, 2009  

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