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Thursday, September 10, 2009

In Need Of An Adjustment

I have an appointment tomorrow with a counselor/therapist person. At lunch. I don't know if that was a good idea, scheduling therapy during my lunch hour, but I figured I could eat lunch early, go to the appointment, and still work-out. This is how I think. I have this obsession with working out lately. In fact, I've been stressing a bit because I have NO time to do yoga during the week. None. And I love yoga, but I can either sleep or do yoga. Considering my emotional status lately, I think sleep and little bit of doing nothing at night is a safe bet. Yoga can wait until the weekend, I suppose. Except there are games this weekend starting at 10:30 am on Saturday. I guess I could get up early. Ugh! On a good note, I only need to lose 3 more lbs to be back to my normal weight. Which might account for the obsession. I just need to lose that 3 lbs.

Okay, back to my emotional status. I have been a roller coaster of emotions lately, but mostly I feel kind of dull. Especially during work hours. I feel nothing at work. I'm in a daze. I can't say that I'm depressed because I don't feel like staying in bed all day or not doing anything. Sometimes I just don't care. Which is bad. Because I should care and want develop professionally and all that. But I just don't. I just want to work and go home. But also mixed into that is I work with people who love to find errors. Errors that I've made and point them out to other people. Particularly managers. And they find enjoyment in this. And I don't get it, but it makes me tired and sad.

And when I'm home I'm happy. And having the kids in sports and running around and trying to jam a million things into a few hours does not stress me out. It makes me happy. I love it. But then when I think about work, it makes me sad that I have to go back. I would rather just stay home and run kids around and volunteer for things and clean the toilets. No, that's a joke. I don't clean toilets, but if I didn't have a job I would have to clean the toilets. Which is bad. And part of the reason the kids are able to participate in the sports is because of the two income thing. Which is fine. I just feel like my work life should be more than what it is I guess. Or I could feel thankful that I have such a flexible schedule and that Brian and my best friend work with me and I get to see them all the time.

This is what the therapy thing is for. I need coping skills or something. So that I don't feel like I always need to be on the defensive. Because that is carrying over to home and it's probably not fair to everyone to have me explode and start crying over things that don't make me explode and start crying normally. You know, having people walk on eggshells because I take things too personally. That type of thing.

Okay, I hope I didn't ramble on too much. Just thought I would share.

3 Comments:

  • Hey, I'm a big fan of therapy! I've been in it at various times in my life, and it's always helped me to cope (as you very eloquently put it). Sometimes that's all you need.

    Best of luck! And don't be afraid if you don't "click" with your therapist. I've had to switch a few times in the past.

    By Blogger teahouse, at 12:12 AM, September 14, 2009  

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