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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I'm Going to Work and Coming Home and Living My Life

This is my motto this week. I'm suppose to come to work, do my job and go home. Nothing else. I'm not suppose to worry about what I "think" people at work expect me to do. I just need to work and do my job responsibilities and go home. This is harder said than done, actually. It sounds easy, but then I worry if I think like that I'll get in trouble because I'm not doing something someone expects me to do. Of course, if that was the case, it would fall into one of my responsibilities and I would just do it and then go home and enjoy my life, right? Sorry if this doesn't make sense. Another rambling post. This is what came of the first therapy session. Because work stresses me out and I'm going crazy.

Plus, I had to change my pill prescription, which I was warned would mess up my hormones. But my hormones were a little messed up before the change so I don't think it's entirely the pill's fault. I have been completely stressed all weekend and upset and sad feeling, but today I feel a little better. I'm not sure why. I was told I probably have a mild case of depression, but I don't need medication or anything. I'm just blue. Like I said. I have another session on Friday. I'm glad.

This is what I've been doing as part of my enjoyment of life:

-Took Jillian to get her first ever soccer pictures taken. Very cute.

-Reminded Darby about the importance of doing well on homework. She takes a strange approach to her school work. Her teacher had to constantly remind her last year, as did I, that she needs to do homework. She thinks she can just skip homework, ace the tests and go on with life. But that's not how life is. She has to do the homework too. She didn't miss any assignments, but I don't think she gave her best effort.

-Decided to cancel my hair appointment-AGAIN and let Jordan skip his Friday practice so that we can make the Harvest festival. But I haven't told him yet. I decided last night and cancelled my appointment this afternoon. My hair looks like crap, but I had been planning to go to this since we have everybody with us this week.

-Made dinner.

-Watched That's So Raven with kids.

-Got mad at Jillian for not listening. For like the 100th time. But she apologized and was good. And I gave her a kiss and hug.

-Told Riley, the 12 year old, to let Jillian, the 3 year old, win one game on her Nintendo 64 that Darby got for their room. Seriously!

-Broke the news to the girls that I accidentally ordered The Closer instead of Supernatural on Netflix. It's going to be three more days until we get a new one. Sorry!

Right now this is my life. This is the part that matters. (Brian was at school so I didn't see him all day.) But this is the part, though it's crazy-hectic, that does not stress me out. I feel under the gun sometimes but it never makes me freak. Or want to cry or want to scream. But that's kind of what happens when I have a bad day at work.

The therapist asked if I could be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately, no. So for this week I'm coming into work, and doing my job and going home and being happy and not worrying about the job at home. So far so good.


  • I cannot believe how much control our hormones have over us. It isn't fair. This winter I had my estrogen drop off the chart, probably pre-men starting and I was so sad, I gained weight by the second...they straightened it out but I don't look forward to what is in store for my future! I hope your meds get worked out.

    By Blogger Deana, at 7:57 PM, September 15, 2009  

  • work is just a means to an end. i have to remind myself of that every single day. and it kind of makes me laugh sometimes. like 'do the owners realize that 99% of us would not be here if we didn't need the $ and the benefits?' like i give a crap about "the business" or "the products". i really just don't care and i don't think that's a terrible attitude. it's not my life. my life is at home with my family, much the same as you.

    i'm sorry your going through the blues - i can totally relate. talk therapy was a huge help for me when i've been in my down slumps. between coming off the pill and the pregnancy, i can laugh and cry all within about 30 seconds. i really do hope you can find some relief or at least some balance to ease the depression. it's terrible to go through b/c although people can beat addictions and live w/o the substances, it's hard to just walk out on our own head and our own emotions; they're with us all day.

    does the change of seasons bring you down? or have you been watching what you're eating and exercising? that really helps me when i eat clean and exercise - even a quick walk outdoors. gotta have some sunshine everyday.

    By Blogger Kate, at 12:14 PM, September 16, 2009  

  • Oh Jolynn, I feel for ya! I think you need to stop cancelling that hair appointment! Make it a priority!! When my hair looks like crap, I feel like crap. I know it's much more complex then that, but it's a start. Hope the change of medicine helps and remember you can't control other people at work. You can only take care of your own stuff and hope someone realizes you are doing your best. Hang in there! Your family adores you and that's all that really matters in the end.

    By Blogger Envoy-ette, at 1:19 PM, September 16, 2009  

  • Hey, good for you!! Sounds like things are chugging along. Routine is good!!

    By Blogger teahouse, at 12:19 AM, September 17, 2009  

  • Sounds like your job is about like my daughter's... very stressful. They expect people to work ungodly hours for less pay. Don't know what the answer is except to hang in there.

    Agree with Envoy-ette about keeping your hair appt. It's always a booster for me.

    By Blogger Karen, at 12:36 PM, September 17, 2009  

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