Something More

I was listening to this Sugarland song on the radio this morning and it fits my mood perfectly. I call it mood, but maybe it's a thing, you know, those "things" you go through in life when you feel like it you need a change.

Monday, hard to wake up
Fill my coffee cup, I'm out the door
Yeah, the freeway's standing still today...

This is pretty much my life. On the freeway. Commuting. And that's why I have been seriously thinking about the teacher thing. I have a meeting with an advisor at BSU next month to go over some of the classes I need to take to get a degree in Elementary Education.

The more I think about it the more I like the idea. Potentially working near home, not getting home after 6, having summers off. The only part that scares me is the weird kids. You know the ones I'm talking about. But then I realize, right now, I work with some of the weird kids. They've just grown up and now they're adults, though with some, I use the word adult loosely. For the most part I'm able to deal with them and I've worked with them for years. If I was a teacher I would get a new set every year. That's not so bad.

Five years and there's no doubt
That I'm burnt out, I've had enough
So now boss man, here's my two weeks
I'll make it short and sweet, so listen up
Well, I could work my life away, but why?
I got things to do before I die.

I've been feeling like I'm wasting my time with the kids. There aren't enough hours in the day and I hate that during the week they eat, go to school or day care or wherever, come home, eat again, take a shower, and go to bed. There should be more. They should be coming home after school and doing homework and watching a few cartoons and riding bikes. In the summer there should be lots of swimming and playing outside.

Right now they're hermits. I was able to get off work a little earlier the other night and we ordered pizza and came home. The kids ate their pizza, asked to be excused and went upstairs. As I was cleaning up I noticed some kids outside playing because it was such a nice evening. When I went upstairs they had all showered, were in their pajamas and watching Simpsons. I thought it was a little sad.

Here's the thing and I know happiness isn't about money, but if I ended up doing this, I would have to pay for school and take a pretty hefty salary cut if I did end up teaching. Which is scary. I would be working while taking the classes and it will take a couple of years and it's a huge commitment to make less money. That's the shallow part of my dilemma. Every thing else I think would be wonderful. To actually work in an environment where there's some kind of purpose other than saving money or making money would be such a breath of fresh air.

Obviously I'm not going to be quitting my job any time soon and to throw another wrench in the wheel, I was talking with one of the supervisors in my old department. Another supervisory job just opened and she mentioned I should apply for it. So, I have to think about that because it would be a great step up. And more responsibility and probably longer hours which completely puts me a step back in the raising kids department.

Plus, my current boss is extremely sick. I don't even know if she's going to come back and until something is determined the department is a little chaotic. Anytime the director meets with someone we don't know or with the human resource person we start freaking out. Do I want to leave everyone stranded? I don't know.

And one last thing. I'm still a little gun shy on the applying for a job thing. It went so horribly last time I don't think my self esteem could take another blow. But the job closes on Friday. I need to make a decision soon.

For now, I plan on taking the first step and meeting with the advisor. Maybe there will be another step after that. We'll see.

Some believe in destiny and some believe in fate
But I believe that happiness is something we create
You best believe that I'm not gonna wait
'Cause there's gotta be something more...