...and I Picked Up A Turd With My Bare Fingers

I just thought that would be a good title for my post since I'm not ready to post my "what I got for Christmas" post. And I warn you. That post is going to have some serious bragging because I am seriously spoiled. I think even more so than the kids. But they did alright.

Anyway, Brian said that the other day. I could go into the whole story of why he picked up a turd with his bare fingers but I think it takes away from the quote. Let's just say he didn't know it was a turd. Because it was in a place that turds shouldn't be.

To gracefully change the subject, I bought some new shampoo the other day. I know, I know, very interesting news. But that's not the whole story. I bought shampoo because the bottle indicated "intense moisture" which I need because my hair is thick and dry. So I bought the shampoo. And I took it home. Upon closer inspection, below the intense moisturizing feature states, "for women of color". I bought shampoo for women of color. Which would be fine, but I'm pretty freaking pale. Needless to say, it didn't work quite right. Of course, I never figured out if that was because of the "women of color" part or because I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. I just had a sneaking suspicion all day I didn't rinse.

Speaking of poop, because we were up at the top remember? Riley decided to tell my mom and sister the steaming poop story. He stands at the front of the room and begins. "Once upon a time Jordan and I were scooping poop." This is the part of the story that Jordan stands next to him. For effect, I suppose. He continues, "and behind us Chloe lays out some more." I imagine he's saying she took another poop while they were scooping poop which for some annoying reason she tends to do. "Jordan and I slowly turn around," They turn, once again for effect. "And there is Chloe's poop. And it's steaming!" They are so gross. And actually when that happened, they thought the poop was smoking. I had to clarify for them.

Okay, I promise no more poop talk. Pictures and stories of Christmas will be coming soon!

Well, I did it! I finally posted pictures of Jordan's birthday. I'm only a month behind. That isn't so bad.

This will probably be the last time I post until after Christmas. It has been so busy this month. I love it! I like being busy even though Brian doesn't like it all. He doesn't like the hustle and bustle.

Christmas Eve we are planning a lunch with Brian's parents. It should be yummy. We made our menu last night. Ham, scalloped potatoes, rolls, green beans (ick!), fruit salad. I hope it's delicious. I have never made a dinner for other people before. Our original menu option was going to be prime rib, which sounds so good, but we were informed that was the main course on Christmas Day. It was suppose to be a surprise. Oops!

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and I'll catch up next week!

A Christmas Story

Birthday Party-Check!

Dad's Christmas Party-Check!

Department Holiday Party-Soon to be checked, I hope.

My sister stopped by on Sunday night to drop off the diaper bag we had left at my dad's. Because that's what happens when you have a million things and a handful of kids to pack into the back of the family vehicle. Anyway, most of the time I just think my sister and her husband are super cheesy, but she told us a little Christmas story that I actually found to be quite sweet. In a super cheesy way of course.

The first Christmas in their new house they were completely strapped for cash. Flat broke. For one, they had just bought a new house. They then realized the house needed a new furnace. Plus, they were newlyweds. So not a lot of cash flow going on and they decided not to buy any gifts for Christmas. But my sister desperately wanted a Christmas tree. Because as long as I can remember we have always had a real Christmas tree for Christmas. I don't anymore because I like to put the Christmas tree up right after Christmas, but that's not part of the story.

So, on Christmas Eve, her husband went out, while she was at work, and went to Zamzow's, a local garden store. (I can't think of a better way to describe it. It's early, damn it.) Anyway, he went to the Zamzow's Christmas Eve, with his friend who owns a truck, and picked up the very last tree they had on the lot. For a whopping $10 and brought it home to set up for my sister. And that's the only thing she received for Christmas that year. The only thing she wanted. How sweet is that!!!

And this story is also a testament to my sister's simplicity. Because hello! My Christmas list has never had just one item on it. Mostly because if I only put one thing Brian sends it back and says try again. But hey, a Christmas tree is better than a vacuum. Because I did get a vacuum one year for Christmas. As well as everything on my list, but still. A vacuum!!!

Two Down, However Many To Go

Well, Brian's Christmas party was fun as I knew it would be. We ate, we drank, I was referred to as a holiday harlot...don't even ask. The baby was absolutely miserable being left with my sister. She didn't like that one little bit. Too bad for baby. Mommy and Daddy were out drinking Corona and eating delicious food. I don't regret it a bit.

Last night was Riley's Christmas program for school. It was held at the University in our little city. He was so excited. The place looked very festive and it was crowded. By 7 it was standing room only. I was so relieved we found a seat. Too bad I wasn't able to sit in it for more than five minutes. Unfortunately, Jillian was not interested in seeing the kids sing and dance. Oh no. She wanted to wonder. We ended up hanging out in the lobby with the other 1 year olds. It was pretty miserable. But I did get to see Riley and I'm surprised I was able to pick him out in the crowd of 4th graders. I suppose it wasn't that difficult. He's the smallest one out there. Poor guy.

Saturday night we have a birthday party for Brian's niece that we will be attending even though we were only indirectly invited. I suppose that isn't the point. We are going to attend the party. Enough said.

Next Tuesday is our department holiday party at the ever wonderful Cafe Ole. Ever wonderful because hello, margaritas. Yum. We're having a white elephant exchange. I found my perfect present. Maybe I'll post a picture of it if I get a chance, which is not likely considering I haven't even posted Jordan's b-day pics yet. But will. I hope.

Then is the actual Christmas extravaganza, which will include a Christmas with us, a Christmas with Brian's parents and family and a Christmas with my mom and family. And there will be too many toys even though we haven't bought the kids a lot of toys. And we will eat way too much, because Karen is right, the food is amazing, and there we might ended up having a little more holiday "cheer" than we anticipate if you know what I mean.

Then, of course, we begin to take down the decorations and put away the tree. Which seems a little sad, but hey, we still have a New Year to bring in. That will be a fun party with us and the kids. We never have New Year's plans. I have a New Year story that involves tequila and not making it to midnight, but that would just bore you. Does anyone have any New Year's traditions? That are suitable for children. I'm saying it's going to be a dry evening, just rated PG. Let me know!

I Love This Month

I love the holidays. I love them and this year I've been in especially good spirits. It just seems as though all is right with the world and I'm able to put together my picture perfect celebrations. Picture perfect for me anyway. I'm sure everyone has there own ideas of what perfect holiday.

Our tree looks exceptionally pretty this year, Brian put lights on the house, we had our annual after Thanksgiving shopping spree which also includes breakfast and was a complete success and everyone just seems to be happy this year. It's just all falling into place.

This month is so busy. This week is Brian's Christmas party for the division he works for. Next week is Riley's Christmas program, a luncheon for a woman who is leaving at work, her open house she's having for the same reason, and the holiday buffet at work that I will miss because it's the same day as the luncheon. The week after is our departments Christmas party and then! It's time for Christmas. I love it! I'm excited. We didn't buy the kids a lot of gifts and Brian thinks they'll be disappointed, but I don't. We don't even have them all for Christmas day, but Christmas Eve they will hang they're stockings above our fireplace (which we didn't have in the old house) and put out cookies for Santa, which Jillian will surely get into before they leave and they will make sure everything is in perfect order and ready for Santa's arrival.

I hope everyone is looking forward to the holidays. I know some people don't enjoy the holidays and find them stressful, but it's not all about the shopping and spending (though I do love those things). I love doing the little traditions with kids. Especially when they remember and ask, "are we going to get a piece of chocolate every day of December until Christmas like we did last year?" Which we didn't get the Advent calendars last year because we couldn't find them. We had them the year before, but they still remember. And they talk of Christmas past and tell stories of what they received and what they loved and I think that is the best part. Brian probably thinks I'm lying. He probably thinks I like the shopping and spending part best, but the actual truth, is my favorite part about the holiday season is the Christmas music. Ha!

Sigh of Relief

I'm not such a slacker. I have my motivation back. And pictures are now posted of Jillian's birthday. Next-Jordan's birthday. It's been kind of a crappy couple of weeks. Well, not exactly crappy, but very stressful. I have this long story of divorce and paper work and new wives and I don't know if I should even get into, but it's finally taken care of and it's a huge relief.

Okay, I'll get into. It begins almost 5 years ago with my moving out and him divorcing me. I moved to a nearby city and he kept the house and the kids and everthing in the house or outside of the house. Have you ever wanted to be away from someone so badly you were willing to sell your soul? That's how I felt and now I'm desperately trying to buy it back. Anyway, the papers indicate that I see them every other weekend and one weekday in the middle of the week. Typical set up, but for some mom's out there a little backwards. It was actually the stupidest thing I could have done. It took me a year to realize it and I regret that missed year. Because I missed a lot.

Fast forward one year. In September of 2003 I moved back to the city I had left. Brian and I moved in to a little three bedroom home on the opposite side of town as the ex. Immediately I began taking the kids for longer stretches of time until eventually I began having them every other week. Exactly a 50/50 split. Which is what it has been for past three years. Rarely an exception. Even if they went out of town with their dad on my week I would take them for the following two weeks. I paid my ex child support and eventually it came down to me making the payment and him paying it back to me the following week. Because I had them the same amount of time. He knew he didn't need that extra money.

Enters the new girlfriend. I don't have any memory of the exact time of her presence, because I just don't care, but it couldn't have been more than a year ago. So, for the sake of putting everything together, for two years before her arrival I had the kids 50% of the time and for at least a year, maybe more, the ex has refunded (that's what I call it) my child support.

Soon the new girlfriend turns into the new wife. I think in September? Once again, I can't remember because I'm not that interested. We've had very few incidents involving the kids or the money except for June, when they "couldn't" give me back the money. That was one month I was certain I was going to have everything changed, but didn't because it's expensive. And it was working again. Until...

Two weeks ago. When I was arguing with the ex about something involving my kids. He hung up. Which I so hate. So I called back. And guess who answered? The new wife. She told me I wasn't talking to him and I told her that this was none of her business. She then proceeded to tell me that we were going to do things the way the papers said. That I will see the kids every other weekend and they were keeping my child support. I called her the nastiest word that I could think of and hung up. Then I called back and again told the ex exactly what I thought about his new wife, which was inadvertently recorded on the answering maching. Which I'm glad. Because now she knows everything I said, word for word.

And honestly, she is such a horrendous person, that what I believe it all came down to was she wanted to keep my child support. She wants nothing to do with my children. She's just an evil little, or should I say fat, greedy witch. And so the papers are done. And she can longer use them for her own evil purposes, though I was told she wouldn't be discussing any such thing with me ever again. I can only hope. And now, I won't have to pay for them to have extra spending money either. As if it's my fault they can't manage their money, they have to steal mine. But, whatever. I guess not everyone can have a Brian around to keep them on a strict budget. I'm just very lucky. Which could also be a reason for her to feel such contempt towards me. Dumb girl.

I can only muster one birthday picture, even though there are a ton to post. But, Jillian had some great parties, three to be exact and is now my rambunctious little one year old.

We had a practical joke day for Jordan's birthday, which I believe was successful. Thank God for fart machines.

Anyway, I hope I can catch up soon.