BMPR STKRS

Since I commute to work everyday, I spend what amounts to about an hour and half in the car every day. The majority of the time is spent stopping and going, stopping and going. It’s what the traffic people on the radio call “stop and go traffic”.

To pass the time I read all the stupid things that people have on their cars. Okay, not all the things are stupid. Even things I don’t agree with I find a little humorous, such as “Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O’Donnell fat”. But really, I have to wonder why people put such things on either their license plates or their bumpers. Some times it’s just ridiculous.

The other day I say this license plate DMBGRL. Does that say dumb girl? Why does this person have dumb girl on her license plate? Is she dumb? Does she want everyone to be cautious because she’s a dumb girl driving? I don’t get it. Or maybe she’s saying that I’m a dumb girl, in which case it is equally as annoying. What a dumb girl.

Another one that I found completely inappropriate was PR1NCSS. Maybe if this so-called princess was a 16 year old, driving a brand new VW Beetle convertible would this be adequate for a license plate, but from what I could tell while passing “princess” she was a late twenty, early thirty year old driving a Saturn. A Saturn, white. Um, sorry sweetheart, but you are no princess. Seriously, I think that anyone past the age of 17 shouldn’t be allowed to describe themselves as a princess. Plus, a fricking Saturn. Last time I checked princesses did not drive around in compact cars.

BAPADIA. What the hell does that even say?

One day I was at a party supply store buying God knows what when I saw a girl I graduated from high school with. We were actually friends, but I think I was about to have a baby and I was in no mood for chit chatting so I avoided her. After my shopping I went out to my car and I was parked next to a black Lincoln Navigator with the license plate 4TRISH. Aw, how sweet. Trish is the girl I graduated with. I later heard she was arrested for a DUI and her dad is a cop. (Thought I would throw in some juicy gossip, just for fun.)

A few years ago Brian and I were driving and we saw BRTMBL. Guess what Brian thought it said? Bert Mable, as in Bert and Mable sitting in a tree… Anyway, I thought that was pretty funny. It was on a mini van so I’m thinking it said Brat Mobile. I guess it could go either way.

Okay, now there’s only one bumper sticker that I can think of that really annoys me and I seem to see it all the time. Something about “not believing the liberal news media”. Okay, who is the liberal news media? Could someone please let me know. I want to read that news. And these people are super serious about this because this bumper sticker is so long and big that it usually doesn’t fit on the bumper. It is usually placed on the back of the car or pick-up.

Well, I guess I don’t like all the religious stickers that people clutter their cars with. It just seems so pretentious. As if they’re saying “I’m religious and I’m better than you because you are going to hell and I’m going to heaven”. Actually, I think that’s what one of the stickers says.

And then there’s the pro-life stickers. Don’t even get me started on those. I have seriously contemplated ramming my car into theirs hoping they get whip lash. Which is not to say that I hate pro-lifers, I’m pretty sure I’m friends with a few, I just don’t like it when they act as if pro-choicers are murderers. It’s so stupid I want to scream! Okay, I’m done.

So confession time. What do you have on your car? I have a parking sticker for my work, but I do have a confession. You know those decals that people have on their vans and SUV’s of their family. I want those on the Suburban. I want a dad, a mom, three little kids, a baby and a dog. Cheesy? Yes. Which is probably why Brian hasn’t completely agreed to have them put on. Of course, I haven’t received a firm no either.