Not Even Close

I had fun Friday night. I was home by 10:30, but I still had a good time. I needed to get out with the girls for a little while. We all met up at a little bar/restaurant in Meridian before we headed downtown. They all thought the waitress had a crush on me because she kept bringing me beer samples. Whatever, she was just being nice. Sure she didn’t offer them beer samples, but nonetheless, it’s her job to be friendly and accommodating. Right? She was very, very nice and I got the equivalent of a free beer out of it. Not that I would be offended in anyway if she did have a crush on me. My friends know this, they just like to tease.

Tammy thinks I give off a vibe. I’m not exactly sure what that means, but we have a friend who is very flirty with her girlfriends, and she has been very flirty with me every time we’ve gone out together. When I say flirty what I really mean is kissy. She likes to kiss. She likes to kiss girls. Sometimes, I happen to be that girl. I don’t mind. She’s a hot girl. She reminds me of Denise Richards. Who wouldn’t want to be kissed by Denise Richards, right? Her usual kisses are just little pecks here and there and when she dances next you it’s more like she’s dancing on you. But, last year when we went out, she, for some reason, decided to give me a full fledged, open mouth kiss. I was taken aback. But only for a second. Then I just sort of went with it. Besides, I will probably never, ever kiss a girl like that ever again. I may as well see what it’s like. It wasn’t so bad. I would probably let her kiss me again.

When I told Brian about this kiss I think he was a little disturbed at first. He thought we were doing it front of boys. Now, I was a little wasted by then, but I told him I distinctly remember there not being any boys there. I didn’t remember where the kiss took place, but I could say for certainty there weren’t any guys around. Tammy later told me it happened in the girl’s bathroom. Weird. After that he was fine with it. He always asks me if she’s going to be there when we go out. I think he’s hoping for a better story.

Last night I had a dream that I was friends with Ellen Degeneres. Brian thinks I’m turning into a lesbian. Not even close. As much as I like to flirt with girls and hang out with girls and notice that some girls are hot or pretty, I probably couldn’t ever take it any further than that. When it comes right down to it I like the boys. I told Brian that the entire concept of being with a girl sounds alluring, but I would probably end up not going through with anything if I was ever in a situation where something other than kissing would happen. I was sorry to burst his bubble but it’s true.

I watched an episode of Oprah once where she was interviewing gay men and women. Every single one of them had a common thread-they knew they liked the same sex since before the age of 9. Each and every one of them knew before they even hit puberty that they were gay. It wasn’t something they decided overnight, it wasn’t something they were talked into or were experimenting with, it wasn’t some switch they decided to make because they had fallen in love with people of the opposite sex and were then dumped by those people. No, they actually knew their whole entire lives. Sure it took many of them awhile to admit these feelings to the world, and sometimes even to themselves, but they knew. I can honestly say that all my childhood crushes were male. Only recently have I developed these little crushes on women. But, that’s all they are. Little crushes, little attractions. I love being with Brian and trying to be with a woman would be like a lesbian trying to be with a man. It just wouldn’t feel right.