Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold

Friday, February 03, 2006

RE: Termination of Jolynn Newell

Dear Jolynn Newell,

Due to severe cost cutting measures the company has been forced to look very closely at absenteeism. After looking back at your records we found several occasions of phony illness. There were many incidents of you calling in on Fridays and Mondays which we believe to have been not in the best interest of BC.

As you know from the most recent employee guide, it was clearly stated that we have zero tolerance for false absences. It is with deep regret that we are issuing this formal notification of your termination with BC. Contact human resources to schedule an exit interview within two business days of your receipt of this notification.

You are to gather all your personal belongings from your office, or work space, and leave work immediately. Failure to do so will result in even more serious complications with regard to your employment status.

CB
Transportation Manager

That is what I found on my desk yesterday afternoon when I returned from working out. I didn’t believe it, it's got to be a complete fake for so many reasons. First, there's no signature, second we have this thing called YTO, which completely sucks because your allotted a certain amount of days to take off through out the year. This includes sick days and vacation days. So if I did call in sick, which I don't because I don't want to waste my days, I wouldn't get in any kind of trouble. Plus, I just took 6 weeks of maternity leave. I didn't really need to be calling in anyway. Third, my manager would never leave a note like this on my desk.

So I call Brian and ask if he left some phony, suppose to be funny note on my desk. He said no as I imagined he would. Then he tells me I should ask Dee if anyone was in my office because she has been there and would probably know. Alright, Dee won't lie to me. She's one of the sweetest, kindest people I know. I go outside my office and find Dee. "Dee," I say, "did you see anyone come by my office in the last hour or so?"

"No, she answers, but Carol was looking for you." Carol, my manager, my boss. My heart instantly sank to my stomach. Brian is going to be so unhappy if I get fired. He just put all of our finances in order. Plus, I'll have to stay home. Our lives will be ruined until I find another job.

I walk into Carol's office and sort of throw the note at her. "Did you leave this note on my desk," I say a little forcefully, because I was going to be so mad if I was fired for calling in sick, which I don't do.

She smiled and chuckled. She had not left me the note and someone played a very horrible trick on me. I knew exactly who it was and I was a little pissed that Dee was in on it too. I proceeded to go show everyone in my department the horrible prank that was played on me when Brian strolled around all smug. Some people thought it was more mean than funny, I think I'm one of them. And it turns out the Brian told Dee to tell me when I got back that Carol was looking for me so she really had nothing to do with.

Luckily, I'm in a department where office pranks are the norm so everyone is plotting to avenge my honor. I have complete faith that it will be really good.

All I can say about the incident is Brian got everyone all riled up on a boring Friday afternoon. He added a little excitement to the 4th floor.