"All the lies that you told, just to ease your own soul"

I was listening to these words when I experienced my first, real incident of road rage. I usually don’t even deal with the morning time traffic because Brian always drives. He’s the one cursing at and gesturing to the idiot drivers that seem to consume the roads. We decided to drive separately this morning and I was taking Riley and Darby to school and Brian was taking Jillian to Grandma’s.

I’m driving along, going the speed limit, minding my own business and listening to Ashlee Simpson. You know for Darby. Darby loves Ashlee Simpson. So I’m listening to the music, singing along when we approach an intersection. I start to slow down because the car in front of me has their brake lights on. We’re still pretty far from the intersection, but if you want to slow down three blocks before you make a right turn-whatever! I can handle that, but we progressively get slower and slower until we practically stop. Hey lady! There is a green light up there. It is green! It’s not red, it’s not a stop sign. It is a GREEN light. Get moving! Still she stops then goes, stops then goes, finally we actually get to the intersection and she completely stops. The light is still green, which I’m amazed because we just spent three minutes stopping and going. At this point I am uber pissed. I am yelling and cussing and stopping hard and finally when she is just sitting at the green light I start honking my horn. “Go you old hag!” I’m yelling. Finally she goes and I can pass that old grandma! Ugh! I’m so mad! Idiot!

I’m sure your wondering how I know she’s an old woman. Well, she was driving a brand new, shiny, white Nissan Maxima. And her license plate read Grandma Betty or something like that. Anyway, I don’t even feel bad for honking at an old woman. You might think I would, but I don’t. I feel bad that in all my years of driving, I have never, ever honked at anyone. Ever! I feel bad that Darby thought all of my yelling was part of the song we were listening to. I feel bad that songs Darby listens to have curse words. I feel bad that she said she was going to tell Brian we almost got into a wreck. We didn’t. I just almost had to ram this old woman with my car. That is what I feel bad about.