Pink Sheets

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

On The Same Sappy Note

I'm not sure if it's because I'm hormonal or maybe I'm just insane, but I've been thinking about mine and Brian's past lately. Not the good past, the bad past. The past that I brush to the side when it surfaces and move on with life, because, well, that was in the past. Nothing in our past pertains to our future in anyway. Nothing from the past has any effect on our future (unless I make it a part of our future, which would be very bad). The present is what's going to effect our tomorrow, right?

Anyway, I have been thinking about our past off and on lately and it's been making me very upset. I don't say anything about it or bring it up, I keep it to myself because I know it's absolutely ridiculous to even be thinking about things from two and three years ago, but I have been. So, I get myself all worked up about things that happened so very long ago and I get mad at myself. I wonder why I didn't do things differently? Why didn't I act differently? Why did I let certain things go on as they did? And for the past couple of weeks this has made me a little unsettled. Not about our present, but about the past. (I know this is crazy, I'm hoping to make sense any moment now.)

So, I've been disturbed by these past events when one day, out of the blue, I remembered something. It's stupid really, as is this post, but it made me feel so much better about everything. I remebered that an ex-friend (who was a real bitch by the way) paid for a half hour reading with a tarot card reader for my birthday. One of the only things I remember from that reading, about three years ago, was that she told me I was in a relationship that didn't make sense at the moment and that things weren't going exactly how I wished they would go. But if I just accepted things as they were at the time and I just went with the flow, this relationship would turn into the best relationship I have ever had in my life. And now my crazy, hormonal world is better because I remembered the wise words of the tarot lady.


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