Pink Sheets

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Things You Will Wish You Didn't Know

I realize that I’ve started talking about the mountains quite a bit recently and really it’s just going to get worse because that is where we spend most of our weekends during the summer. And when I read what I wrote I always think I sound like a pretentious ass. And I don’t know if you guys are all thinking what a pretentious ass I sound like or not, but when I read ‘we went to the mountains this weekend’ it sounds like I should be talking in some sort of accent with the words drawn out. Like ‘we weeeent tooo the mouuuntains thiiiis weekend’. Like a snobby person with an accent might. I probably only think this because Brian knows someone who is always talking about their “mountain home” in a totally snobby, I’m better than you way and now I guess I feel like I’m that person. But, I’m not. So, in order for me to get the pretentious voice out of my head I have made a list of things that make me unpretentious. In fact, these border on tacky. Here you go. I am not a snob.

-I have a duck bathroom, or rather the kids have a duck bathroom. I don’t normally use it because, one, it’s always dirty and gross, and two it’s the kids bathroom. Does that make those two reasons one and the same? Regardless, I go in there every now and then when Jillian is a grouchy baby because she likes to look at the ducks on the shower curtain. (Babies are weird.) Anyway, I have a shelf above the toilet lined with rubber duckies. But these aren’t just any rubber duckies. Oh no. These are rubber duckies I took from the mail department at my work. Their initials (the mail room) are ARO, so they have some silly tagline about having your ducks in ARO. Clever, I know. Anyway, I believe there are six or perhaps seven ducks lined in a row, of course, with that logo on them. Hello, tacky! Right?

-I never clean the bathrooms. It’s embarrassing, but I don’t. If I were ever expecting company I might have Darby clean the downstairs bathroom, but if you stop in unannounced and need to use my restroom, I would advise against it. And my bathroom is especially gross because Brian and I are the only ones that use it. I never clean up there. One time when I was pregnant I mopped the floor because I was trying to get myself into labor. It didn’t work, but that was the last time the floor was mopped. Keep in mind the baby is 6 months old. So not only is that tacky, but it’s gross and I hope you don’t lose all respect for me.

-The past couple of weeks I’ve been too lazy to change my handbag in the morning. Sometimes I wear black shoes and carry around a brown handbag.

-I wear tank tops with out a bra. In my defense I have small breasts, it isn’t that horrible, but I would say that it’s definitely trailer parkish.

-I drink beer. That is my drink of choice. Beer. When the beer is free, I’ll drink whatever kind I’m being served. When I paying I’m a little bit pickier. But beer is beer. It’s not a girlie drink at all.

Alright. I think that’s all I can think of now. Pretty sad I know. Your getting a million posts today because I’m not going to be back until Wednesday. I know, *sob*. Hope you have a fun, fun Memorial Day weekend.


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