Bachelorettes, Blasters, and Strippers
I had great plans for this day. A day where I would clean, catch up on laundry, get my hair done, lay out, workout. However, I am sitting on my couch with blood shot eyes, a headache, and a semi-queasy tummy watching Pirates of the Caribbean. I hate hangovers. I knew I probably wouldn't be up to par today, but I was assuming I would be functional. I am not.
Yesterday, Brian was sweet and took the kids up to the cabin for the night. I left work at lunch and had a mani and pedi and went shopping. Then I got ready for my first ever bachelorette party. I don't even know the bachelorette. She's getting married next month to a boy whose sister is married to a guy I graduated from high school with who was introduced to his wife by his ex-roomate with whom I happen to work with. Anyway, that's how I ended up getting invited. Are you following?
The night started with the usual bridal shower festivities. We played silly games, ate delicious food, and the bride to be opened her presents. Then the actual bachelorette party began, after the more innocent attendants had left. I started with a margarita, then a Coors Light (blah), and soon after we all did blow jobs. It's not easy to get it all in your mouth, a problem I am familiar with ;), but I actually was able to swallow the entire shot. I don't like shots normally. They make me gag and sometimes vomit. I try to stay away from them, but this was a special occasion.
After a few drinks we played pin the penis on the man and then we were treated to a strip tease instruction by a couple of the bridesmaids and the mother of the bride. That's the part I hated most. During the routines we each took a couple of swigs of tequila, but that still wasn't enough to help me loosen up and really get into the dancing. After this was when we really started to have fun. I had three Blasters (I think this is what they're called) and we took pictures of the girls in their strip tease outfits. Those should be interesting photos.
Then we decided to go downtown. I have not been downtown with the girls in over a year and it was quite exciting. We had our designated drive, the father of the bride, drive us, in a Humvee no less, to the Bistro. Here I ordered another Blaster and had a beer and hung out while some of the other girls danced and showed off their newly acquired talent for strip teasing. My friend from work, however, was puking her guts up from the tequila shots she had before we left. She had to leave early and went back to the house and passed out. I stayed and hung out with all these girls I had just met.
At the Bistro there was another bachelorette party so they had a drink off. Three girls from their party and three girls from our party lined up and were each given a cup of beer. Then one girl from each party drank their cup until it was empty, then the second girl could start her cup and drink it until it was empty, and then the third. Whose ever team finished first, won, obviously, but I'm letting you know anyway. Our team won. Yeah! There was no prize. Boo!
We bored of the Bistro soon after the contest and went to China Blue. I have never been there and it wasn't really what I expected. I had a really great time, but it was just a bar. Okay, there's a martini bar in the girl's bathroom, tended by a totally cute gay boy, but other than that it was just like any other club. The best part of the China Blue experience had to be that we got in free because one of the girls we were with flashed the bouncer. She has really nice boobs. They're not real, but very beautiful. I'm excited that I'm going to have a resource for a plastic surgeon in two years.
Off the subject of partying and more on boobs, the bachelorette also has implants, not as big as the flasher's, but equally as nice, from what I could tell.
She didn't flash anyone.
Okay, back to the party. At China Blue I was also informed that my driver's license had expired. "Its okay this time, have a new one by next week," the bouncer said. Okay, I probably will but he won't be seeing it. This going downtown stuff is fun every once in awhile, but not every weekend. No way.
At China Blue I had enough drinks that, yes, I danced with the girls and I didn't feel self conscious or embarrassed. Of course, there were a lot of girls, which helped. No one was paying attention to me for the most part. I did see a guy who went to Borah, where I graduated from high school. Anyway, I was like "hey you went to Borah." And he says yes. "What year did you graduate?" I asked him. "In '96". That was a shock, how did he look familiar? He was a sophomore when I was a senior. I didn't pay much attention to anyone in high school let alone sophomores. And he wasn't even good looking; he had a dorky look to him, which is completely fine. There's nothing wrong with dorkiness. It's just weird is all. Anyway, he was super shocked that I was as old as I am and said something about how my mom must look really good. I didn't know what to say to that, as I never know how to respond to remarks that infer having the same genes as my mom. I'm adopted so it wouldn't matter what traits my mom has.
After we were done with China Blue we took a cab to The Torch and watched a stripper dance. There was no stripping. Is this how all strip clubs are? I saw more boob on the way in to China Blue. Of course, I don't know how all the strip clubs work. I know there are laws about alcohol and the amount of nudity allowed. Needless to say I had "crotch in my face” for the first time. I'm quoting because the bachelorette was saying this the entire ride home. She, however, got a little bit more than crotch in the face. She said that was pretty weird. All in all, I had a good time and now I can finally say I've been to a strip club.
We finally ended the night. I passed out on the bottom bunk at the parents of the bride’s house. I also woke up about 4 hours later and could not for the life of me figure out where I was. That's sort of scary. To wake up and think, "Okay, I have no idea why I'm in this bunk bed and I believe I am still drunk." I heard Tammy's voice downstairs and snapped out of it. I remember now. I had fun last night. Time to go get my dog from my mom's and start my day.
I haven't started my day yet. Its past noon and I haven't showered and am now watching Anger Management. Hair appointment in less than two hours, get your ass of the couch already. I can't. I must sit here forever. Just kidding. I'll go get my hair done and maybe shop.
Yesterday, Brian was sweet and took the kids up to the cabin for the night. I left work at lunch and had a mani and pedi and went shopping. Then I got ready for my first ever bachelorette party. I don't even know the bachelorette. She's getting married next month to a boy whose sister is married to a guy I graduated from high school with who was introduced to his wife by his ex-roomate with whom I happen to work with. Anyway, that's how I ended up getting invited. Are you following?
The night started with the usual bridal shower festivities. We played silly games, ate delicious food, and the bride to be opened her presents. Then the actual bachelorette party began, after the more innocent attendants had left. I started with a margarita, then a Coors Light (blah), and soon after we all did blow jobs. It's not easy to get it all in your mouth, a problem I am familiar with ;), but I actually was able to swallow the entire shot. I don't like shots normally. They make me gag and sometimes vomit. I try to stay away from them, but this was a special occasion.
After a few drinks we played pin the penis on the man and then we were treated to a strip tease instruction by a couple of the bridesmaids and the mother of the bride. That's the part I hated most. During the routines we each took a couple of swigs of tequila, but that still wasn't enough to help me loosen up and really get into the dancing. After this was when we really started to have fun. I had three Blasters (I think this is what they're called) and we took pictures of the girls in their strip tease outfits. Those should be interesting photos.
Then we decided to go downtown. I have not been downtown with the girls in over a year and it was quite exciting. We had our designated drive, the father of the bride, drive us, in a Humvee no less, to the Bistro. Here I ordered another Blaster and had a beer and hung out while some of the other girls danced and showed off their newly acquired talent for strip teasing. My friend from work, however, was puking her guts up from the tequila shots she had before we left. She had to leave early and went back to the house and passed out. I stayed and hung out with all these girls I had just met.
At the Bistro there was another bachelorette party so they had a drink off. Three girls from their party and three girls from our party lined up and were each given a cup of beer. Then one girl from each party drank their cup until it was empty, then the second girl could start her cup and drink it until it was empty, and then the third. Whose ever team finished first, won, obviously, but I'm letting you know anyway. Our team won. Yeah! There was no prize. Boo!
We bored of the Bistro soon after the contest and went to China Blue. I have never been there and it wasn't really what I expected. I had a really great time, but it was just a bar. Okay, there's a martini bar in the girl's bathroom, tended by a totally cute gay boy, but other than that it was just like any other club. The best part of the China Blue experience had to be that we got in free because one of the girls we were with flashed the bouncer. She has really nice boobs. They're not real, but very beautiful. I'm excited that I'm going to have a resource for a plastic surgeon in two years.
Off the subject of partying and more on boobs, the bachelorette also has implants, not as big as the flasher's, but equally as nice, from what I could tell.
She didn't flash anyone.
Okay, back to the party. At China Blue I was also informed that my driver's license had expired. "Its okay this time, have a new one by next week," the bouncer said. Okay, I probably will but he won't be seeing it. This going downtown stuff is fun every once in awhile, but not every weekend. No way.
At China Blue I had enough drinks that, yes, I danced with the girls and I didn't feel self conscious or embarrassed. Of course, there were a lot of girls, which helped. No one was paying attention to me for the most part. I did see a guy who went to Borah, where I graduated from high school. Anyway, I was like "hey you went to Borah." And he says yes. "What year did you graduate?" I asked him. "In '96". That was a shock, how did he look familiar? He was a sophomore when I was a senior. I didn't pay much attention to anyone in high school let alone sophomores. And he wasn't even good looking; he had a dorky look to him, which is completely fine. There's nothing wrong with dorkiness. It's just weird is all. Anyway, he was super shocked that I was as old as I am and said something about how my mom must look really good. I didn't know what to say to that, as I never know how to respond to remarks that infer having the same genes as my mom. I'm adopted so it wouldn't matter what traits my mom has.
After we were done with China Blue we took a cab to The Torch and watched a stripper dance. There was no stripping. Is this how all strip clubs are? I saw more boob on the way in to China Blue. Of course, I don't know how all the strip clubs work. I know there are laws about alcohol and the amount of nudity allowed. Needless to say I had "crotch in my face” for the first time. I'm quoting because the bachelorette was saying this the entire ride home. She, however, got a little bit more than crotch in the face. She said that was pretty weird. All in all, I had a good time and now I can finally say I've been to a strip club.
We finally ended the night. I passed out on the bottom bunk at the parents of the bride’s house. I also woke up about 4 hours later and could not for the life of me figure out where I was. That's sort of scary. To wake up and think, "Okay, I have no idea why I'm in this bunk bed and I believe I am still drunk." I heard Tammy's voice downstairs and snapped out of it. I remember now. I had fun last night. Time to go get my dog from my mom's and start my day.
I haven't started my day yet. Its past noon and I haven't showered and am now watching Anger Management. Hair appointment in less than two hours, get your ass of the couch already. I can't. I must sit here forever. Just kidding. I'll go get my hair done and maybe shop.
Wrapped up by Jolynn at
11:30 AM
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